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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private videographer, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?