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This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the mainstream. At the time, the concept that someone could abruptly cease communication with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an commonly unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” pushing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Personal habits signaling a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits validate your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things builds closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {